Fine Art Angels
what do you think so far?
White fluffy angels danced and pranced, whirled and twirled, their way down to the frozen ground. In the period of just a few hours, the town had been transported to this winter wonderland. The world looked like it had been sprinkled with icing sugar, it was so beautiful. I was scared to go outside; I didn’t want to destroy this work of art. The frost glinted and sparkled like a million diamonds, but the sky outshone them with its sapphire glow. It was fine to look at, but this was not a safe place to be. The calm, note less air was quiet for a reason, there were no footprints for a reason. The pure white angels were devils in disguise, causing people to fall, causing plants to wilt and causing animals to die. I learnt this the hard way.
i know it’s not perfect. i just need help.
The first sentence is very evocative and promising.
You rather overdo the cliches, such as “winter wonderland” and “sapphire glow”.
“The calm, note less air was quiet for a reason, there were no footprints for a reason” needs changing. It would be better to show with evocative words such as “thud”, “thump” or similar that the snow deadens noise, if this is what is meant. I have no idea what you mean by “the pure white angels”. Perhaps you could get the meaning across by depicting a sinister beauty through use of some other metaphor without going into detail — for example: “The Snow Queen made her presence felt by pushing pedestrians over, spitefully pinching the leaves and stems of plants and bringing death to animals falling into her clutches.” You’re good at descriptive metaphor, so I’m sure that you’ll find something.
Angel Genie – Thai Fine Art Video Series 1.1
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